My experiences in this program have been integral to the growth of my self-confidence. Sharpening and enlarging my pedagogical practices, technological skills, and teacher dispositions have caused me to trust my knowledge and skills more than before. Additionally, gaining both a degree and teaching certification, receiving assessment by respected peers and professionals, and performing well in this program have been validating.My horizons have been sharpened: I feel confident in my elementary music teaching skills. Credentials, assessments, and personal musicianship in this program have given me a new sense of certainty that I am capable in this field. Simultaneously, my horizons are widened. While I have an emphasis in elementary, my degree enables me to teach all ages music in numerous venues, and I know I am capable and credible.
Credentials
It has long been a dream of mine to achieve a graduate degree. I completed my undergrad in 2006 at a school that no longer exists. My final semester there, I had mononucleosis and had to drop “music education” from my degree, making it a general music degree for the sake of graduating in a timely manner. I also had several experiences with private lesson teachers in which I felt invalidated.For example, in high school, my piano teacher refused to write a letter of recommendation for my college applications. I spent a little over 10 years teaching private lessons and three working as a contracted elementary teacher but was never officially on staff. My experience and educational background always felt a bit incomplete and unsatisfying, but I knew I loved teaching and felt I could do it well if I had more education and credentials.
Gaining my teaching certification was not only a necessity if I wished to teach on staff at a school, but also a symbol of credibility. For me, possessing a teacher’s license meant I would have a “stamp of approval” from unbiased professionals who assessed me and saw me as capable. It also meant that the administration, students, other staff members, and the surrounding community at future schools would see me as an equal. They would know I had the training and experience required to have the title of “teacher.”There is a certain level of credibility or trust that is bestowed with a teacher’s license. Without trust, no one can hope to teach. If parents, students, or administrators do not trust a teacher, it does not matter how capable the teacher is or the quality of their methodology, purpose, or musicianship. A lesson will not be received if someone is not seen as credible. While having a teacher’s license does not necessarily mean everyone trusts me implicitly, having that initial credibility is priceless and empowering. It not only empowers me to obtain employment but also empowers me to connect with my community and enable communication and the education process.
Assessments
Peer and Professional Assessments
Gaining feedback through informal and formal assessments from peers and professors has also been invaluable to my sense of self-confidence. When I felt unsure of my personal musicianship, I leaned on encouragement from my teachers and peers in my performance classes. When I was unsure about my pedagogical skills, assessments in methodology classes with reliable grading systems helped me believe I was not imagining my perceived skills. As I write this, my GPA is over a 4.0, and I have taken far more than the required classes for the program. I recall some challenging classes in which I feared I would not perform well, but with perseverance and effort, I learned much and earned high marks.
One powerful experience I had was in the Teaching Singing class. We had an assignment teaching several private voice lessons, recording them, and sharing small segments with the class. I remember feeling very insecure teaching voice, somewhat apologetically presenting my lesson. The feedback I received was, “Don’t second-guess yourself. Your student improved during your lesson.” I went into my next teaching experience with greater confidence. As previously mentioned, I did not have my certification and I had some negative emotional concomitants regarding my former skills and education. These reviews and assessments made me feel that, while I was still learning, I also presently had the skills I needed to teach successfully. Having more self-confidence my teaching skills means I can teach and present myself as a teacher with more authority. It changes my words, my description of myself, and even my physical posture, resulting in a stronger presentation. Not only this, but it also makes me feel more calm and more self-assured. I do not spend as much time as I used to, anxiously anticipating lessons or second-guessing my skills. This has been invaluable in my communication with others and my personal mental and emotional health.
Crafting Behavioural and Academic Assessments
Alongside the assessments I received from peers and professionals, being able to craft student behavioural and academic assessments provided me an objective way to measure my efficacy and skills as a teacher, thus endowing me with greater confidence. Classroom management and student assessment were, in the past, areas I would approach subjectively. Because there was no quantifiable measurement of behaviour, it was easy for me to second-guess my skills. Some days I would feel great about my teaching; other days I would feel unsure or even negatively about it, but I had no objective reasons for these feelings. In Classroom Management, however, I learned how to record individual student behaviour data, construct a plan of behaviour management, and then measure and graph its efficacy. I also learned how to construct rubrics that could measure students’ achievements of national core arts standards and lesson plan objectives (curricular strategies). I no longer guess or rely on intuition alone for behavioural and academic assessments; I record student data. When I set a learning goal for a student, I know how to measure their achievement and communicate that goal clearly. I choose my words more carefully when speaking to students for purposes of clarity and consistency. The ability to craft assessments has given me more confidence and clarity.
Personal Musicianship
As previously mentioned, I took several terms of private piano with Dr. Ho, which not only gave me new pedagogical skills, but also a greater sense of confidence. As I applied myself through practice and performance, I proved to myself that I was capable. During winter term of 2022, I approached Dr. Ho regarding the possibility of performing a piano recital. While this was not a required part of my degree, I wanted to prove to myself I could accomplish this and felt I had gained skills that would support my endeavors. The performance will occur in the summer of 2022, and I am eagerly anticipating this new milestone of accomplishment.
I also took several terms of private voice lessons. My four terms of voice with Dr. Phillips were especially challenging, as I have always experienced a lot of stage fright while singing. While I sing often, I have always considered it a secondary instrument, and singing technique has always been a source of confusion for me. Not only did my technique improve through these lessons, enabling me to sing repertoire at a level I had not before, but I also gained valuable experience performing and working through my nerves. Being able to vocally perform with more confidence means I can teach with more confidence, but also with more empathy and tools to help students who have stage fright. I can tell them about my experiences, what worked and did not work with anxiety, and remind them that it can get better. The increased confidence in vocal presentation also causes me to feel more equipped to give presentations and workshops that require singing and speaking in the teaching community with greater ease.
With my new-found sense of self-confidence, I feel that I have reshaped my inner narrative of what I am qualified to do. I feel that I can “re-launch” myself into the world as an educational professional who has the experiences and education, the methodology, sense of purpose, and newfound confidence to teach music of all kinds to all ages. I am no longer allowing past negative concomitants or personal feelings of insecurity to dictate which opportunities are allotted to me; I am ready to go out and grasp them with my own two hands.
Evie Haskell Processfolio 